Hiding in plain sight – The paradoxes of a suicide

In the majority of cases it’s nearly impossible to make sense of a suicide. Unless you are in that place yourself, you would think why on earth would anyone do that? Surely there were other options, why would you choose an option so drastic – one you can never come back from? There’s a lot of things that don’t add up when a person is in that place, and therefore it’s more difficult for others to spot. Thinking only of my experience, of being very close to a person who in hindsight, was suffering, here are some of the paradoxes I can see now – but sadly I didn’t see it then:

You were the funniest person in every room – but inside you were the saddest

People naturally revolved around you – yet you were desperate to be seen

Through the eyes of others, you were so handsome – through your own, you were hideous

You were known to a lot of people – but did you let anyone know you at all?

You were one of the most gentle people I have known – yet nobody will ever rip my heart out as violently as you did

Everybody loved you – and you hated yourself

You always seemed brave – but you were scared to live … and for someone who was scared to live – you committed something so terrifying to most

You had the biggest heart – but no compassion for yourself

You talked a lot – but never once said what you really wanted to

We all thought you were so laid back – but you were the most highly strung

You feared rejection – so you rejected your entire world, including the people in it

You wanted to disappear – but you made yourself notorious

If I saw that other side of you maybe we could have talked through some of these things. Maybe I could have helped, or at least helped you get help, but unfortunately that time has passed. Rest easy brother. I’ll just leave this here in case it’s useful to someone else.

Author: aineconnellan

Irish professional, from Kilkenny, enjoying living in London at the moment!

2 thoughts on “Hiding in plain sight – The paradoxes of a suicide”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s